Roger Delaney memorial message

The Peace of God Will Guard Your Hearts and Minds
(Philippians 4:7)

(Saturday, February 23, 2013 )

(Brook Hill United Methodist Church, Frederick, Maryland)

Roger Delaney was one of my dearest friends in the world. He had worked for Zephyr Media Group for quite a few years, but most of us don’t remember him for that.

We remember Roger for his music. Singer-Songwriter. Multi-Instrumentalist. Worship Leader. The artist behind two CD projects which he gave away for free.

He was the Encyclopedia of Pop Music. His knowledge of Pop and Rock and Jazz was voluminous. He loved the Beatles, and his songwriting was highly influenced by them. He loved my fellow Canadian, trumpeter Maynard Ferguson. He did a great singing impression of Neil Diamond.

On his blog he wrote: “I'm a very blessed man who loves God, loves his wife and kids, loves to play music and tennis, loves Adidas and the Minnesota Twins.”

He referred to his wife as: “…my incredible, gorgeous, brilliant, beyond-supportive wife, Ashley.”

Ashley has written a lovely obituary for Roger, in which she says:

“Roger was… above all, a man with a true heart of service for God... He was an eternal optimist with a sharp sense of humor, who loved lively debate and reveled in making friends who held views completely different than his own. He was an incredibly dedicated father and husband who took great joy in his family.

Without even trying, Roger was an inspiration to many, many people around him. Roger was diagnosed with esophageal cancer in September of 2011, and challenged himself every single day to take the discouraging news, exhausting treatments, and physical discomforts and turn them into opportunities for lifting others up and bringing glory to God. Early on in his cancer journey, he adopted the phrase “Why Not?” as his mantra for making it through the toughest times. He knew that there was a hard road ahead and that the odds were not good, but “why not” believe that he could overcome them? This state of mind kept him remarkably strong and positive throughout his treatments, and leaves his surviving family and friends secure in the knowledge that he triumphed over a terrible disease, even as it claimed his physical life.”

Though we did music together, I remember Roger more for his personality and character. We spent many hours talking together – at the Roy Rogers Restaurant on Ballenger Creek Pike, late at night after Praise Band practice, and at other times.

He was bright, enthusiastic and funny. For example, he wrote this on blog:

“The oral chemo I’m taking has lots of festive side effects, but the best one is the delightful yellow tinge it gives my skin. The packaging says this is due to the yellow color of the capsule – so why didn’t they make the bloody thing a deep golden tan? They could have saved me all the money I spend on that spray-on tan stuff. On the other hand, I suppose they could have made the capsules orange – then I’d just end up looking like Lindsay Lohan. I should just shut up and be yellow.”

Roger was open about his weaknesses and shortcomings, and the struggle with cancer. Last August 14th he wrote:

“I’m tired. Not physically, but emotionally and psychologically. Why, you ask? Well, there are the obvious reasons – ongoing treatments, the prospect of years of medication and side effects, just the weight of cancer lurking in the shadows waiting to pounce on me again.

I’m also growing weary of all the niggling little physical issues that I seem to encounter regularly. It feels like there is perpetually something that feels off, something that hurts, something I can’t seem to get on top of.

The hard part is getting to the point of remembering that I’m still here, able to function normally for the most part, to wrap my arms around my wife and kids, to hit a tennis ball and lead worship at church.

I had a bit of a hissy fit last Saturday, as all the items listed above came crashing down on top of me; I felt overwhelmed, hopeless, frustrated, certain that the rest of my life was going to be an ever-escalating series of maladies that would, one by one, keep me from doing the things I love to do.

But then my wife kissed me and assured me it was OK for me to feel that way. I went to Praise Band rehearsal and had a blast playing and singing. I started working on recording some new music. I laughed with our kids. I had a good night’s sleep. Suddenly, everything was good again.

Funny how life circles around like that, isn’t it? Every now and then, the pressure of everything that’s happened and has yet to happen, threatens to bury me. Then God takes me by the scruff of the neck, gives me a good shake, and reminds me of how richly blessed I am. He reminds me that nothing – NOTHING – can separate me from His love, and that His love for me includes allowing me to share my time here on Earth with some pretty amazing folks. Thank you, Lord.”

Last October, shortly after his birthday, he wrote:

“Every day has ample reasons for blowing up balloons, and eating ice cream, and singing uproariously and hugging each other. So why wait for the “big days”? Especially now, with all that’s been going on, each day seems worthy of a party. I’m having fun with the kids and adoring my wife and just living. I am blessed indeed.”

Roger believed that his character was being refined by the trial of cancer.

Last December 19^th he wrote a blog post in which he did a Top Ten countdown of positive things he had experienced as a result of cancer. I want to read you numbers 9, 7, 3 and 1.

“There have been a few amazing benefits that have come from the struggle we’re in the midst of – so I thought I’d do a David Letterman Top 10 list of the positive things that we’ve been able to enjoy – in no particular order.

9. I’ve learned that every one of us has something in our lives that’s a burden, an obstacle, a dilemma. And for the person dealing with that difficulty, it’s just as bad and painful as what I’m dealing with. I can’t feel sorry for myself for too long, because everybody – EVERYBODY – has a reason to feel sorry for themselves. But letting that feeling dominate your life is useless. You just have to keep moving, keep hoping. It’s hard, really hard, but it can be done. Learning this lesson has been extremely valuable for me; I hope it’s made me more compassionate, more forgiving, more patient.

7. Any doubts I had about the power of prayer, and about the amazing willingness of so many of you to pray for us, have been effectively eradicated. God has used the prayers of so many to keep us going, to keep our spirits up and our hearts focused on Him, and for that we are so very grateful.

3. My pride, my insufferable arrogance about myself, my feeling of invincibility, my tendency toward feeling blessed and better than others just by virtue of me being me  – they have all been brought to their knees. And me with them. Not a moment too soon.

1. Every day, every second, is a reminder of how dependent on God I have to be. Choosing to trust Him is no longer an option; I can’t get through this without Him. And this experience has already blessed me in a thousand ways. I pray that it’s been useful to some of you as you confront the obstacles life throws at you. Thanks to God for being the Solid Rock upon which my life is built. Amen and amen.”

This sounds like a man learning to be graceful as he deals with the unasked-for challenge of cancer.

First and foremost, Roger was a believer in Jesus, a follower of Jesus. One of his favorite scripture passages was Philippians 4:6-7 –

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Here the Apostle Paul is encouraging us to “Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers.” (The Message)

There is a peace that God wants to give us in the middle of our ragged lives. It is a peace that transcends our understanding. There are many things we do not understand about life and death, but God stands ready. He’s offering us peace when we think we understand, and peace when we know that we don’t know anything.

This is a time when many of us have many questions about God. And I have several questions for God myself. These questions won’t be fully answered in this life, but in the middle of my befuddlement I already sense the peace of God at work, letting me weep, letting me reflect, soothing my heart and mind.

There is a peace that God wants to give us in the middle of our ragged lives. And He stands ready this morning. He’s holding out His hand. He’s offering peace to us through His Son Jesus Christ, and through the Holy Spirit, who is here with us now, in this room on February 23, 2013.

It wouldn’t be surprising if someone here today besides me needed God’s peace. So we’re going to pray:

Lord, help us today. Give us peace. Help us to sense and know Your presence in this hour and in the days ahead, in Jesus’ name.

Last Christmas, Roger wrote:

“I wish you and yours a blessed holiday season, filled with love and joy and compassion and grace and mercy. If you place your trust in the God of the Bible and in His son Jesus Christ, as I do, may you sense that trust at a level far deeper than anything you’ve known before. Thanks for another year of prayers, caring, good thoughts, and warm wishes. Please keep ‘em coming – the road ahead looks dark and treacherous. We’ll get through that next bit, and the next one – thanks to the never-ending love of our Savior and the relentless encouragement of all of you.

We’re not done fighting. We still believe God is going to carry us through the valley of the shadow of death and get us safely to the other side.”

Roger, you’re now safely on the other side, absent from your body but present with the Lord. By God’s grace I’ll see you later, old friend!